"I've been having lots of those mornings"
It has been a strange and interesting weekend on all accounts. I went to downtown Nashvegas, saw some country bands, drank a bunch of beers (*can you say 25 oz pint?), and watched line dancing. I even attempted it, because my roommate apparently thought I wanted to dance to it. There was the old school rap line dancing - "Too Legit 2- quit" and OPP and lots of other 7-9 grade things of the sort. Made me feel old. Then there were the N* SYNC wanna be kids who dressed well and wore the trademark Justin Timberlake scully cap...and they were dancing up a storm. I laughed my ass off. This one kid was particularly funny because he would bust some moves, and then tuck in his shirt again and again and ag...even though his shirt wasn't untucked. It was his ploy to get people to look at his ass. I danced to "Let's get it on" which was entertaining. THen there was this other bar / karaoke place we went to with sort of scantily clad women, but not really. It wasn't lewd or anything like that. One chick, I swear to god was a fembot. And she sang "Hey baby Hey' by No Doubt, and I wanted to shoot myself, or her, or something....she was awful! All in all, an interesting night.
ANd I watched football this weekend - TITANS won...and it was an exciting game (*even I managed to get into it). which reminds me of how Kristin was screaming at all the Steelers fans we saw downtown Friday night -- and that was hilarious.
Not much else to report. I will be playing at a house concert at CJ's place in a coupla weeks...bustin out some solo cello madness. Gotta practice!
Word.
"My love for you is better than diamonds / To you everything I bestow."
"An Attempt, An Explanation..."
Hmmm. How to respond to the response? I guess I was in sync with him at one point or another, and yes, in the band sense, because, by all accounts, we were in a band together. But, then things fell apart when I was being a candor queen and two days later or so he told another chic that he really dug her. Pretty nice, eh? And now I don't really want to play music with him at all because to me, it is an intimate experience, or sharing of the self or what have you, and I don't want to be anywhere near him at this point. But saved by Falcor, my luckdragon, he left his gear in D.C. or thereabouts because he got into a bit of a scrape with his car in the snow. I feel bad about the accident (although I have no details to speak of), but I am glad that it has bout me a bit more time to not have to play with him. It buys literally weeks. Word up.
And further in terms of what I was trying to say about the "I'm not being accomodating" - in terms of being nice when clearly I should be mad or upset or otherwise just not cordial. Here Albert Camus helps me out a little bit:
"Restraint is not the contrary of revolt. Revolt carries with it the very idea of restraint, and moderation, born of rebellion, can only live by rebellion. It is a perpetual conflict, continually created and mastered by the intelligence...Whatever we may do, excess will always keep its place in the heart of man, in the place where solitude is found. We all carry within us our places of exile, our crimes and our ravages. But our task is not to unleash them on the world; it is to fight them in ourselves and in others." -- Camus,
The Rebel
And more for Marty:
A while ago, like December maybe, you wrote in a comment on a poem Flynn put out there and said it was contrived...etc and so on. It had to do with an envelope and some shellfish. Here's my response poem:
the manila envelope
filled with the forgotten
reminds of the eggshell heart
he said it was contrived
but words that drip
from pens
in notebooks and on screen
don't seem so fishy
tell no lies to eyes
not prone to deception
so inside that paper
there's just pieces
of a heart broken
maybe sometime she'll slow
rearrange the segments
fit them together to suit
and feel the eggshell prick
again and have her eyes dazzle again /
maybe someday
for now,
her eyes loook lost
peering inside manila
and fingers touch
the wettened page
maybe someday
she'll be less sentimental
for now she just smiles
and her face
reminds of rinds
of sky and sea
-- ECB, 12/24/02
And one more thing...
a bad attempt at a freestyle flo - here we go:
her words seemed to demean
what to me, meant something
held significance beyond
the shadow of a dream
or doubt, no need to scout
get the fuck out
i was looking for something more
and she, content with
what he had since when
but almost ready to quit again
this is where i begin
my questions not enough
i act and try to see
but that might be
the difference
between her and me
and no i don't want
to talk about it
try to see it out and in
until i grin
what matters is within
beneath all this, this skin
and i know what i see
in the mirror, in the dark
it's me
but the who the what
the we
ill resolved and difficult
to see
so try to step back
and let's be decisive
get some perspective
and not be derisive
it's not what it was
and may never be
but perhaps the i and you
can still be a we
this ain't no
let's wait and see
here and now
you and i gotta agree
just one rule
just one thing
and not it's not
cash money hos
and the bling bling
candor and honesty
that's all i need
and just that in your
glee you don't flaunt
so i've said my piece
and it's high time to go
but this you'll remember
this i surely know
--ECB 12/27/02
more to come. happy january happy new year. oh, and i went downtown nashville this weekend...saw people linedance to old school rap. i'll fill ya in later.
