Heinous heinosities
So I've been passed over officially. I thought this type of shit didn't happen until you were forty and corporate, or thirty and seeking tenure. So much that a poor philosophy grad student has yet to learn. I am not going to be a TA next year, which is what I was really looking forward to in terms of work and play and philosophizing. I have been busting my ass all year, thinking, (oh how naive and / or Scandinavian of me) that next year, it would all pay off, and I would be busting my ass for something that I love. Because I like a challenge, I like to bust my ass, but only if it is really worth it. It just seems like another roadblock in my way to becoming a professional philosopher / intellectual. It again makes me question whether or not I am good enough, whether there will be a job at the end of this thing, and precisely how long it will take me to get to the end of this...and it's frustrating. Extremely frustrating. I don't really know what else to say about it. I feel like my department is fucking me by not giving me some / any assistance whether in fellowship or assistantship, and is going to continue fucking me. And believe you me attending this place ain't cheap. Well, I'll stop bitching and go to work, to debase myself by filing for about 4 hours straight, and then go talk about the abject in my French philo class. Word.
