The Verdict
I appreciate all the commentary...but I am going to be a realist and stay in Nashville. I can't run away from this - these papers, this situation, all of it - I have to stay here and face it head on. Sorry Marty. You have no idea how much I want to be there! I just can't right now...I am broker than broke and have too many papers to write to spend 16hrs in my car and / or not work while in Chicago itself. I'm a realist. I'm trying to be responisble, which doesn't seem to happen too often. I'm impulsive, but I also have rent to pay. I like my roof. Hope you have an amazing weekend - send Kyle, Julie, and Reetu my love. Give Kyle a big hug for me. I'll try to make it up to Chicago this summer...
I have no idea
I've got a dilemma, kids and kiddies...I have a bunch of work to do, but the Nashville skyline is slowly eating my brain and preventing any sort of activity from occuring between my lobes. Why? Have I been here too long without a break? Did I really want to sit here like the loser I am on my spring break, with my roommate's dog to care for while she gallavants in Florida? Can I possibly stay here with an imminent roommate explosive situation? Can I go when I have so much to do and very few weekends in which to create 4 20+ page masterpieces? Can I go when I am pretty broke as all shit? Can I stay when I know that I want to go to the Neo-Futurists and see Marty?
I don't know what to do, and I don't have all that much time to decide, all told.
Today I met someone who is a pseudo-boss if I got a position I am not going to apply for --- and he was possibly more candid than most people I have met in my life. I got a nice gruesome look into his psyche as he told me of how he used to be a philosophy professor, but then his wife told him that they had to move / and he gave up his tenured position at some small liberal arts college. Now he works here and does some webbish work for the center of teaching. But he wishes that he was actually teaching...a little too much reality for the kid who doesn't even have the PhD on a Thursday afternoon at four.
I'm going to the store. Then sleep or read Kierkegaard. Then class at 7. This blasted day will never end.
Sorry I have been away for a while (?)
I have been working on my Race and American Democracy paper on De Tocqueville and responsibility / applying for a graduate teaching fellowship for next year / not sleeping / drinking lots of tea / not drinking trendy coffee beverages because i swore them off a couple of weeks ago / still drink coffee / eating fruit in the sunshine of 75 degrees / playing "Golden Years" on the radio and dancing around the station / going to class feeling a bit headachy / not wanting to go to my apartment / thinking of Chicago and how i want to go / thinking of Nashville and how i want to leave / thinking of getting in touch with people / getting in touch with people / thinking in fragments / fragmenting my thinking / breaking it down / tearing it up / playing with a puppy that will leave me in a couple of months / wondering who will be my new roommate / wanting to be in NY / realizing my New Yorker status in full effect / wondering about my department and if VU is the place for me / getting nostalgic for Colgate but not overly so / listening to music as i file away the pages / procrastinating / watching frat life and sorority life, both on MTV and in real life / laughing until it hurts and then laughing some more / this sweet thing will never end / so i just have to stop
Vapid Vapidities
I don't know if I told you - whoever you might be in this case - about my theory about Vanderbilt and Vapid Vapidities, but here goes. The first installment was before spring break, and I heard a line of conversation go by me as I went to class:
fratty mcnattie A: "What're you doin' for spring break?"
said in a bored tone
fratty mcnattie B: "Bahamas"
returned in an even limper tone
fratty mcnattie A: "Nice"
perhaps not as limp, but just as dead sounding
Installment two:
vapid chick A: "I actually met someone who doesn't work out and eats whatever she wants...."
tone of confusion as this thought pac mans around her head
I will make no comments, and leave you to decide what to make of it. I'll just file it under "vapid vapidities"
