7 April 04
the army of hands
moves me along
keep time
teeth - gleam, shine
moves me through
this of how I should be
act react retract
smile on the outside
even if that's the last
think you feel
march feet
make time
it's fine
these feelings unreal
just move along
nothing to see here
just blood and tears
that heart on the
pavement, it's mine
would you like to stomp
on it? would you like to
I fell for him
somewhere between
here, East Nashville,
and Atlanta
when my days spun dreary
and long, he could make
me smile - I'd lost that
and his presence in my head
was enough to change it all
now it's march
keep time drear
like everyone else
like every day
fine
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Composed 5 April 2004
I'll wear this sweater
everyday - drag its blue stripes
over my eyes so I can pretend
I don't have to look at myself
ever again - these ways of seeing
me, it seems I can't explain
just how you used to look at me
now our eyes don't meet -
you don't even want to
touch me - and that's all
I want - to roll up to your
door, complete with the
Talking Heads blaring from
speakers, I'd allowed myself
that discomfort so necessary
and ring the bell
touch your face for a
proper goodbye we'd never had
we'd never - I didn't want
it to be over / and I'd touch
your face and tell you
that being a memory in your
head wasn't enough
and flipping through them
in mine wasn't enough
either / that I stared at images
on the screen and saw the
two of us / I need you,
whether you want to hear that
or no - I miss your smiling
face, waking up next to you
six thirty was so amazing
I could recount all the
ways and minutes of it
but it doesn't need to end
please see that and take my hand
else I'll dress this way forever
stripes on my irises
sleeves over hands
hiding away because
it hurts / hiding my mind
in eyeliner / sweetness
in the baggage claim
you'll find me, and
sweetness, I'm sorry
if I came on too strong
it's just - deep and
menacing
don't tear at my pages
these braids have a purpose
don't let this fade out
there's more than can even
be seen
and I peer over my turtleneck
and dry my eyes with my sleeve
and leave this message on
your machine /
