Lately I've discovered (care of Lucas) a song that really hits on what I feel, so I'll transcribe it for you. It's Sinead O'Connor, "Last Day of Our Acquaintance." If you haven't heard it, find it...it's worth it -
This is the last day of our acquaintance
I will meet you later in somebody's office
I'll talk but you won't listen to me
I know what your answer will be
I know you don't love me anymore
you used to hold my hand when the plane took off
two years ago there seemed so much more
and I don't know what happene to our love
Today's the day
our friendship has been stale
and we will meet later to finalize the details
two years ago the seed was planted
and since then you have taken me for granted
But this is the last day of our acquaintance
I will meet you later in somebody's office
I'll talk but you won't listen to me
I know your answer already
Stream of Consciousness on a Saturday Night
Composed 10 April 04
penless hands bearing down - oh the sense it makes
shimmers in the darkness and in light, because
really it's the same either way
you're intrigued now - you don't even know me
but when you wake up find the sarcasm draws
in lines on faces where you wish no one'd
leave traces that's when you know it's over
and too late / when'd you think it'd make
sense to you? smiling at me mornings
hand on my waist, and first to hit the
mouth wash - always the flower of courtesy
trace those lips I won't open my eyes
won't open anymore as I wake alone
but you won't wake up at all, mouth words
of beauty and trust and like, at least
how's it when you know the insides
of this mind and the contours of my hand
the colors of this broken heart spill on the ground
you'd better be a trackstar - the way you
run away from me, closing your eyes
to all I'd shown and given and thrust
in your hand, the secrets and closeness
you'd better be good and fast
I may well turn around
before you stop to look for me at all
if you ever do
it pains me - and I write and I write
and I spin on lawns until I fall down
drunk sober starry eyed crazy girl
running down the street with dry cheeks
with you not behind
and I still can't get you
out of my mind - shit you're lovely
and tortured bright and nightmarish
there was love in your eyes - I swear
I saw it once - but I can't cling
to all the yesterday hope
stop smiling - the next time
we meet as estranged strangers
you'll have forgotten it all
it was never real anyway
the dream in my head
close to dead - you hardly
remember my name
and stumble over the words
and niceties you'd suppose
proper
only there's nothing pleasing
and sweet to make this all right
so I run and say nothing
say nothing because words mean
nothing to you
my feet get tired
I don't turn this time
you're not there anyway
I cough and forget
estranged from myself
but not from regret
don't smile at me so
you didn't know me then
you want to now
but when you wake up
and my hair's all askew
I feel nothing anymore for you
no last chances or third tries
but I say nothing
fake a smile badly - on purpose
and leave the restaurant
